


we are

by dw_fwedewick_heweiden



Category: Flight Rising, Original Work
Genre: Buried Alive, Dehumanization, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Time Loop, Magic, Memory Loss, Repetition, i guess, non-permanent death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dw_fwedewick_heweiden/pseuds/dw_fwedewick_heweiden
Summary: a collection of notes from around the universe. multiverse? it doesn't matter. nothing matters. come with us. it's safe here.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. you work endlessly to find the truth, and for what?

The dirt and rocks surround me. The hole I dig grows deeper. There is no way out now; the earth commands me to keep going. It tells me to follow the call. I must know the truth. I have to find out what’s below.

There are no worms, this deep. There’s barely even soil. It’s mostly rocks and things I don’t understand, things that I never should have been able to see. But I see. I see so much. I can’t stop seeing.

It grows deeper. It grows hungrier. It demands and demands and demands, and I give what I can. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. It knows, and it wants me to know.

So I dig. I dig, perhaps to my doom, perhaps to something else. What am I? What am I, anymore? A mole, a worm? Or something different? Something more, something stranger? Am I the earth I dig, or the shovel I use? Or am I still human?

I don’t know. All I know is it calls me, deeper and deeper. I have to know the truth. I’m sorry.

\---

I’m forgetting, I realize. There are patches in my memory where there should be something, but there isn’t, not anymore. The blank spots are getting larger and more frequent. I don’t know if I should be afraid.

There is something very old here with me. Something watching me. I know it, but at the same time, I have no idea what it is. It is a comfort, and a danger. I can’t trust it.

The call is louder, now. More insistent. It points me in the right direction. I keep digging. The rocks get thicker. There is no soil, now. No animals, no life. Just rocks, so many rocks of all different types. Minerals and crystals and just plain stone.

I don’t think I’m the same. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

They won’t find me, down here. Not when I’m so far away from the surface. I don’t know if I’d even want to be found, anymore. Not like this. Not with it.

I’m sorry.

\---

Deeper, deeper, I find remnants of something that once was. Grand rooms and furnishings, the remains of an old society, buried deep under the dirt and rocks and worms. I’ve been here for about half an hour now, just exploring. It’s fascinating, in a way. Morbid, but fascinating.

I don’t think this is what it wanted me to find. It’s still calling. Deeper, it says. Go down deeper. I don’t know if I can. But I’ll try.

I tried washing the dirt off my hands earlier. It wouldn’t come off. I don’t know what to think of that. Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough. I hope that’s all it is.

It’s so cold down here.

I’m sorry.

\---

The deeper I go, the colder it gets. It feels like I’ll never be warm again. The chill seeps into my bones, into my flesh. I don’t remember what it’s like to be warm, I just realized. Add that to the growing list of things I don’t remember. It’s a lot, now.

The call is all I hear, besides deafening silence. There’s nothing else around to make noises, besides me, though I’m beginning to doubt I can make sound. It’s been a long time. I think it’s been a long time, at least. Maybe it’s only been a few hours.

My shovel gave out about twenty minutes ago. I’ve been using my hands since then. It doesn’t hurt as much as I expected it to, though the specks of blood I leave on the rocks say otherwise. It’s concerning.

I don’t think anyone’s been down this far. I don’t think this is normal, either. I thought it was supposed to be warmer this far down. Closer to the Earth’s core, you know. I guess I was wrong, or maybe I’m right and this place just doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. Wouldn’t be surprised, at this point.

I don’t think I’m coming back up. I’m sorry.

\---

I only did what I had to. The dark is surrounding me. I can hear the call so clearly. It’s so loud now, I don’t think I could hear anything else if I tried. The worms I ate a couple hours ago are coming back to life. I wonder if they’ll eat me, in turn. I wonder if I’ll eat them back.

The liquid on my hands isn’t water but it’s good enough. I don’t think it’s toxic, or I’d probably be dead by now. Nobody’s been through here yet, but there’s a natural cave, and it feels like home. I think I’ll rest here, for now, until I get tired of resting. Then I’ll dig again.

It’s not as cold down here. Or maybe I’m just used to the cold. It’s probably both. I don’t care. I need to keep going. I need to find out.

I’m sorry.

\---

I think I’m here.

\---

I stand on the verge of the void, staring down into its many spinning churning eyes. It stares back, looks through me into my soul. It calls for me, tells me to jump. It waits patiently for me to follow. It wants me.

I reach.

I reach out, and I topple, falling into the void’s embrace. It’s painful, but it is a comfort, a home, something I can trust and feel and see. I am changing, but I don’t care. I am shedding, but I don’t care.

I did what was necessary. I followed my orders. I am not human any longer, if I ever truly was. There is nothing left for me on the surface. This is safe. This is home. This is where I belong now, a different person from the one that began, if I am even a person at all anymore.

There is nothing. It is cold. It is home. Thank you.

I’m sorry.


	2. parallels

**Entry 1**

So far there’s nothing really special to this cave. Doesn’t really seem like there’s much here other than rocks and dirt, which is generally what you’d expect to find in a cave. It’s not particularly large so far, but I’ve found a few branching pathways I’ll check out later.

There’s a lot of worms in here. A lot more than I usually find in the caves I explore, but it did rain yesterday, so they’re probably just up here for some water. Not much else in terms of animals. Didn’t expect much anyway.

Supplies are doing fine. It looks like this might just be a one-day job, which is nice.

**Entry 2**

Went through one of those branching paths I was talking about. There’s a lot of skeletons back there, but they’re all of stuff like mice and frogs and stuff. About the most interesting thing I found back there was a ferberus skull, and I’m pretty sure someone dumped that back there on purpose.

Lots of worms back there, too. A little weird, since it wasn’t really damp back there, but I mean, they’re worms. I’m not scared of worms. They don’t even have skeletons, what’re they gonna do? Squirm me to death? Hah, as if.

**Entry 3**

I went through the other two branching paths. A lot of the same thing. Dirt, rocks, remains of small animals, and worms. Lots and lots of worms. I think I’ve stepped on more worms today than I have in the past three years. Ah, well.

The candle went out a few times while I was exploring the third path, but I think it was because I kept moving it around.

**Entry 4**

So, small issue.

I went through the fourth pathway. Bit of a tight squeeze, cave isn’t really that big. There’s nothing interesting back here, but I can’t get back out because of how the rocks are positioned. I’m going to have to find a different way out.

Something feels really off here, as well. If I had fur it’d be standing on end. Maybe it’s just because I’m stuck, though. Probably just that.

Also, when I get home I’m taking a long shower. I got worms to the face…

**Entry 5**

I swear I can hear something. I hope it’s not a burrow bear or something, really don’t like the idea of having to fight one of those. It sounds more like singing, though. Or maybe yelling? I don’t know.

I’ve gone through three candles by now. Hope I don’t run out before I get out, it takes forever to adjust to daylight again as it is.

**Entry 6**

Breakthrough!

I found a crack leading to a different area of the cave. It looks a bit bigger, and it looks like it might slope a bit. It might connect to the surface, that’d be great. Wouldn’t have to dig my way out again.

I’ll have to widen the crack a bit, but that’s not really an issue. I’ve got the tools needed. Just gotta hope my candle doesn’t blow out randomly, would hate to hammer myself in the hands.

**Entry 7**

It doesn’t lead to the outside. The slope up is blocked off by a bunch of rocks I can’t move, and I can’t get back through the crack I came through - I’d have to fly up, and it’s too small to fit my wings. The only way forward is down.

Still feel like I can hear something, but it’s probably just paranoia. Not often I get myself in these situations...Usually I’m much more cautious. Serves me right, honestly. I should have been more careful.

Hope I don’t dehydrate to death down here or something, though. That would suck.

**Entry 8**

I found another bunch of skeletons. Still mostly small animals, but I think I saw a charger skull in there. Kind of creepy. I wonder how they got down here.

Really hope that isn’t me in a couple of years.

**Entry 9**

Part of the cave floor gave out underneath me while I was walking. There’s a whole ‘nother set of pathways down there! This cave’s a lot more interesting than I gave it credit for. Though I am kind of miffed about the floor…

Regardless, hopefully one of these leads out. I don’t think I packed enough food to stay here more than four days. Definitely didn’t pack enough water for longer than five.

**Entry 10**

Okay, I can definitely hear something whispering down here. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but hopefully no one else is stuck down here. I really don’t want to be down here any longer than necessary, and I definitely don’t want to be stuck carrying someone back to the surface because they were stupid and went down a cave without experience.

Seems like the worms aren’t down in this cave - I haven’t seen any at all. It’s a little unnerving, honestly.

Slowly running out of candles. I might start using them more sparsely.

**Entry 11**

Most of the pathways lead to dead ends. Really sucks. Not in the greatest mood right now.

**Entry 12**

I thought I heard someone say my name, but when I checked around there wasn’t anyone there.

I think I might try to go deeper underground. There’s a ton of subsystems down here, and one of them might lead out. Sounds stupid, I know, but it’s worked for me before. I just hope I don’t break a finger again.

**Entry 13**

I’ve been digging for a while. Lots of rocks, not much soil anymore. All the worms are gone. I’m really starting to get tired, but I don’t want to stay the night in here.

I can still hear the whispering. It feels like it’s getting louder, almost? I don’t know. It’s probably just in my head, to be honest. I’m pretty tired.

**Entry 14**

Not much to say. Still digging. I think my shovel’s starting to crack a little bit, which probably isn’t good. Too tired to care much, though.

**Entry 15**

So I fell through my own hole into a bunch of ancient ruins. I’d be more excited if I wasn’t so exhausted. Feels like my back’s about to give out.

This place at least has walls and stuff. Actual walls, not just cave walls. They’re a little bit crumbled, but they seem sturdy enough, so I’m gonna stay the night here. I don’t think I can go much further.

**Entry 16**

I woke up feeling a lot better. I’m still stuck in a cave, which is bad, but on the bright side, these ruins are in remarkably good shape! Half of the furnishings are still intact, and I’ve found a couple mosaics that almost look new. If I didn’t know better, I’d say these were recently painted, but the paint’s too old for that and the stones used to make ‘em are too cracked for that to be the case.

_ [A few crudely drawn images of furniture and paintings take up the rest of the page.] _

**Entry 17**

I’m going to keep going deeper. I think it’s less about getting out at this point. Honestly, I don’t think I’d care very much if I died down here, which is kind of concerning. I should probably see a therapist if I ever get out.

I can still hear a whispering in my ears, too, but I think that it might not actually be whispering - it might be wind blowing through the cavern, which is good news. If I follow the whispering, I’ll probably find a way to the surface.

**Entry 18**

Shovel broke. Going to use my hands. Not like I haven’t done it before.

**Entry 19**

It’s really cold down here. Feels like I’ll never be warm again. It gets in your bones, y’know? It’s always cold at this level, but usually I don’t go this deep unless I’m dressed for it. And usually I bring more rations when I’m going this deep…

I’m really hungry.

**Entry 20**

I’m almost out of water. It’s been at least a few hours. I’m really tired again, but I need to keep going.

I think the whispering’s getting louder again. It’s telling me to go deeper.

**Entry 21**

So I passed out as soon as I reached another cave, which was...probably a couple hours after I wrote the last entry?

This one’s a bit weirder than the last one. It’s got some sort of liquid on it. I drank some of it. It’s not water, but I don’t feel like I’m gonna vomit, either, so maybe it’s safe? I certainly feel less thirsty. Still hungry, though. I can’t eat too many of my rations or I’ll run out.

I think I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep following the whispering. It’s stupid, I know, but maybe it’s actually trying to help me? I’ve heard stories of spelunkers led out by cave creatures…

**Entry 22**

I just realized I can’t remember the past three months before I entered this cave. Hopefully it’s just hunger clouding my mind.

**Entry 23**

Found more of the weird water. Drank some of it. My hands are bleeding, but they don’t hurt. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not.

**Entry 24**

_ [The note is illegible. It’s smudged out by blood and dirt, and torn at the edges. Nothing remains of what was once written on it, except for the heading.] _

**Entry 25**

I need to go deeper. I need to find out what’s down there. Something’s calling to me, and I need to know what it is.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, right? No harm in it.

**Entry 26**

I can’t remember what year it is. That’s really not good. It could be brain damage, or lack of oxygen? I don’t remember if lack of oxygen causes memory loss, but it seems plausible.

A piece of rock fell down and hit me on one of my headfrills earlier. Bounced off and bonked me on the head. Maybe I have a concussion from it? I know concussions cause memory loss sometimes. Hope that’s all it is.

**Entry 2 7**

My hands hurt . Theyre shakin g really bad. Can barely wri te. I hope tha t

**Entry 28**

Found another cave and proceeded to set up for the night there. It’s filled with all sorts of crystals, very colorful. Hope I don’t poke my eye out on one of them, though. I don’t really want to have to deal with bleeding out on top of everything else.

The whispering’s getting really loud now. It’s less of a whisper and more of an actual voice. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but I find it’s getting harder to really care.

**Entry 29**

I’ve gone really deep now. The voice is so loud. I think I’ve shredded all the skin off my hands at this point, but they don’t hurt.

I’m out of food and candles. I really hope this is legible.

**Entry 30**

I think I’m here.

**Entry 31**

There is something greater than me, here. Something so much larger than life. It is very old.

It led me here. It’s led others here. It wants me to help. I can do that, I think.

The dirt won’t come off my hands. One of the candles is stuck to me. I can’t get it off. It’s alright. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Nothing hurts anymore. I see so much. It sees through me.

It promises paradise. It promises home. I think I like that idea.

I don’t remember anything anymore. I don’t remember who I was supposed to be...Why did I come here again? Why am I writing this? I don’t know. I don’t think I want to. This is better than where I came from, I think. No, I know it is.

I want to join it.

I want to help...

**Entry 32**

Excerpt 4132

And then I watched carelessly

as the sea rose above the sky

casting waving shadows over

the world.

I saw the silhouettes of

creatures both familiar and

forgotten. And suddenly I

found myself falling upwards

towards an ocean of darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end bit is from spookys jumpscare mansion  
> i actually wrote this for a contest on flight rising i thought it would be fun


	3. endlessly

It is a slightly less-than-normal day. The basement is making odd sounds (as it tends to do lately) whilst I make cereal. As always. Human beings are truly fairly repetitive, and I am a perfectly normal human being.

Although, the silence feels odd. Not unwelcome, and not unusual these days, but it still feels odd. It has, for the most part, just been me here. Me, the cereal, and the creatures in the walls that steal the cereal when I am not looking.

A normal human would rationalize that away as mice, and so do I, but perhaps it is a bit more than that. I leave out an extra bowl, in case the fae have happened to take residence in my walls in the absence of all human life.

The basement grows louder each day, which basements are most certainly not supposed to do, but I ignore it. It is not time yet. I have not even finished my cereal, it can wait a little longer.

I finish my cereal. Turning back to the counter, I notice the absence of the second bowl. As expected; the bowl will turn up in the sink later. The wall fae are polite, at least, even though they do not pay rent.

Come to think of it, I have also not paid rent for a while. Possibly because I do not get bills anymore. Or any mail at all, not that I received much in the first place. I am not quite certain why I have not been evicted yet.

_(I am not quite certain how many times I have repeated this day, either. Definitely over a hundred. Probably over five hundred. It all starts blurring together, at some point.)_

I decide not to think about that for now. Instead, I wash the dishes, putting them back in the cabinets. Turning to the refrigerator, I retrieve a small amount of food and walk out into the hallway, towards the basement door.

_(The basement whispers to me, promises of freedom and understanding and relief from loneliness. I do not listen. It does not yet have the ammunition it needs to tempt those like me.)_

I open the door, walking down a few steps. That is as far as I can go; the basement has been flooded by some dark, inky substance. It laps at the walls and worms into the cracks in the foundation, looking for any way in.

_(It feeds off memories, I remember. Memories and personalities. It is harder for me to remember these things, now. It does not let go once it has hold.)_

I squash the thoughts and throw it some fruit.

The basement grumbles slightly, not quite appeased, but quiets down. I make a note to try sausage tomorrow. There are a few sitting in the refrigerator unused; they will spoil soon if not eaten.

I turn and walk back up the stairs, leaving the basement behind.

_(Leaving the void behind. I do not yearn for it as it does for me.)_

I walk back towards the kitchen. Upon entering, I notice the dishes have been placed in the sink and cleaned. Yes, the wall fae are very polite, I decide, putting the dishes away. I am careful not to drop any. That would be unfortunate.

_(It would be a break from monotony, at least.)_

_(The whispers grow louder. I cannot hold out forever. One day, I will succumb. But not today. Not today, perhaps not tomorrow. But someday.)_

_(Not Friday, though, Friday is pot sorting day.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fang does not vibe.


	4. interlude i: the crowned's desire (the crowned's dismay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the world is ending again and again and again and again

And so it is that the crowned stands at the edge of the world, beside the one they love. They laugh as the world falls apart, and their beloved stands beside of them, a soft smile on his face. They haven’t seen him in so long. Not in so long…

The two of them are doomed to this eternal dance of will-we-won’t-we, they think, enemies in principle and lovers in truth, or maybe they’re just stuck in a loop of unrequited love and their trust is misplaced in one that would rather see them dead. But they don’t care, they’ll spiral forever if it means they can be next to him. Be with him.

Forever is a very long time, they think. Longer than they’ve been. Longer than they’ve known. Longer than he’s known, too, because the universe is finite and it hasn’t been around that long. Or maybe it has; time isn’t really a concept, it’s a liquid, malleable and soft and running through their fingers like sand flowing back to a desert. Like thoughts running back to the abyss.

Distantly, they hear the whispers of the mind calling to them, wondering why they linger with the enemy. They don’t answer. They don’t need to. The mind knows everything it needs to, knows their endless spiral will keep going until either the void takes their memory again or their heart breaks into millions and millions of shards when they’re cast aside for someone new.

Surely not. Surely not. Surely he feels the same? But maybe not. Maybe it’s not even the same person they keep meeting, over and over and over again. Maybe they’re delusional.

(It wouldn’t change a thing, anyway. They’ll keep spiraling until they’re forcibly stopped. It’s the law of inertia; an object in motion stays in motion until it’s stopped by external force. An object that’s still will stay still until pushed.)

(If pushed, would they shatter? They wonder that a lot. They think they’ve probably shattered a lot in the past, but they wouldn’t remember. They never remember.)

(Such thoughts are pointless.)

When he turns to leave, they grab his sleeve. They don’t need to say anything. He understands the motion. They are granted a soft smile and a ruffle of their hair and then he is gone again, and they sit alone at the edge of the world as it falls apart and remakes itself over and over.

Their voice is lost in the chaos.

“See you later, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to write in the third person for a chapter of this because i'm having a hard time w the next lore chapter so here's a really short interlude i wrote in like 10 minutes lol  
> idk if i like this or not but it's v disorganized bc thats how the crowned's mind works  
> they're not a child just very weird


	5. i think this time i'm dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm not melodramatic, just pragmatic beyond any reasoning
> 
> tw for implied suicide

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-01

\----

Uh, I’ve never written a report before, didn’t have a reason to. Sorry if this isn’t the official formatting or whatever but I’m kind of losing my mind or something over here so I don’t really care that much.

So. Last night. Was with Researcher Mayhew. Went to bed. Wake up this morning and I’m back with the goddamn hourglass. Swear I’m being watched. This is too similar to how I got here to be a coincidence. It’s got to be-

Yeah. You know. Yeah?

Randomly waking up somewhere you didn’t fall asleep fucks with a guy, I think. Feel exhausted. Maybe it’s just the events of the past few days, though. It’s been a bit chaotic.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-02

\----

The hourglass ran out again. I hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means.

I really, really hope it doesn’t.

Still feel like I’m being watched. No evidence of the SCP yet, though. May have to start changing the incident number, but I’m still convinced that this is its work. Seems like its style, to fuck with me like this. Always has been, always will be, you know, right?

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-03

\----

I keep staring into the void and feeling like something’s staring back. I think it’s watching me, like it always does.

I wonder how long until I start forgetting again. I don’t want to forget again, I don’t think. But I guess it’s inevitable. At least I have the reports to help this time.  ~~ Until I don’t. ~~

My eye hurts...Or, I guess my eye socket. Hah. That’s not funny.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-04

\----

I swear I can hear faint whispers. There’s no question anymore, this is definitely its work. This is definitely its jive, I think. Disembodied voices? Singling me out?

It wants revenge. Or it just decided it’s not done with me yet, I guess. Or maybe it’s trying to get to  ~~ Ellis ~~ Research Mayhew again.

~~ It hurts. ~~

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-05

\----

I think it’s the fifth, anyway. I might be losing track. It might have been more, it might have been less. I don’t know, and I don’t really care.

The whispers are louder. I can’t make out what they’re saying, still too quiet, but they’re definitely louder.  ~~ Unless I’m just imagining it. ~~

The hourglass hasn’t filled back up yet, which is weird. I was told it does that almost immediately, but it’s still stopped.  ~~ Just one more sign that this isn’t real, I guess. ~~

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-gotta be such a big number at this point

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-07

\----

Nothing much happened until just now. The whispers got louder. I can almost hear what they’re saying now, but it’s still just out of earshot and it’s annoying me so much.

If they’re going to be that annoying, the least they can do is be audible, right? That way these reports seem more coherent and less like I’m just slowly going insane and nothing’s really happening.

That’s probably what it wants me to think.  ~~ That’s what it’s always wanted me to think. Always, always, always. ~~ I have to stay in touch with reality.

I miss everyone. Hope to get back soon. ~~If I get back at all.~~  


* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-09

\----

I can hear what they’re saying now. I don’t want to type it out, it’s really dark and it’s  ~~ stupid how well it knows me so stupid I shouldn’t have revealed so much to it but it’s so convincing when it wants to be ~~ kind of scaring me.

~~ I wonder if this is what Ellis went through. I wonder if it fucked with him like this. Does he even know about this place? ~~

The hourglass hasn’t filled yet. I don’t think it’s going to.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-12(?)

\----

The whispering isn’t really whispering anymore. More like whisper-yelling? I don’t think I’m going to type what it’s saying. It’s too personal.

This is weird. It’s gone slow like this before, so it shouldn’t be this weird, but I didn’t think it had that much access. That much power over me.

I guess I was wrong.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-15(?)

\----

The hourglass refilled and then immediately emptied again. It keeps doing it, just refilling only to empty and start all over. I spent an hour just staring at it.

It’s kind of relaxing, to be honest, even if it’s set to so much background noise.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03 (I can’t remember the date)

\----

My memory’s slipping again. I keep repeating Ellis’s name, I can’t lose that. I can’t lose him.

I knew it was going to happen.  ~~ I knew, I knew I knew I knew and I still wasn’t expecting it. ~~ I’m going to try and hold onto some things as long as I can, though. Repeating things helped the first time around.

I’m scared of what will happen if it doesn’t work this time.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** 2020-03-maybe the twentieth? Twenty-third?

\----

I can’t remember how I found the hourglass anymore.

Just spent the past few days staring at it.

~~ I think the whispers are getting to me. ~~

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:**

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

what’s my name what’s my fucking name what’s my name what’s my name what’s my name what’s my name i need to write it down so i remember it what’s my name what’s my name what’s my name what’s my name what’s my name what’s my n

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999-???

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:** Is it really still March?

\----

They keep telling me to jump and give in and give up just jump off jump jump and I think I might just to make them be quiet

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:**

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

Why do I even bother filling these out anymore?

I don’t remember what the date is but it’s probably still March. It’s been March for a while. It’ll keep being March, that’s how it works, it keeps you and keeps you and keeps you until you fucking break and I’m not going to fucking do it this time.

I miss Ellis so much. I really fucking hope he doesn’t think I’ve abandoned him. I guess I kind of have, but not purposefully.

I can’t remember half the things from my life and the past two months and I can’t remember my own fucking name but I still remember him so everything’s fine. Everything’s fine that’s all I need I just need him that’s it. That’s it.

I just need to stay sane.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:**

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

They won’t shut up they won’t shut up they won’t shut up they won’t shut up tHEY WON’T SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP. SHUT UP

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:**

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

I can’t fucking take this shit anymore

Is it really still March? It can’t still be March, right? There’s no way. There’s no way. It’s not possible it’s not March anymore it has to be something else. What comes after March? I don’t remember what comes after March that’s probably not good

I miss Ellis so much so fucking much

I think I’m going insane.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:**

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

I have to do it I have to jump or fall or whatever the fuck makes them fucking shut up they won’t shut up they won’t shut up they won’t shut UP. I just want it to be quiet again.

* * *

**INCIDENT REPORT**

\----

**INCIDENT #:** 3999

**DATE OF OCCURRENCE:**

\----

I don’t know what the date is but I think these might be my last words before I lose this machine. I’m going to try and send these reports through whatever system’s hooked up to this thing, at the very so Ellis can get closure about what happened to me.

Ellis, I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t cry about me. I’ll remember you. I can’t forget you I can’t you’re the last thing I have I can’t. I promise, alright? I promise I will. I’ll fucking punch it in the face and then I’ll come back for you and we can run off somewhere far away and live happily ever after. I love you so much.

I don’t know who will get this message, but don’t trust the eyes. Don’t trust the eyes. For the love of whatever gods might be up there don’t fucking trust the eyes. Promise me that. Whatever fucking monstrosity it disguises itself as next time, human or monster or nothing or everything, everything from everywhere in time, don’t fucking trust it. Promise yourself that, if you can’t promise me. Don’t be like me.

I don’t know if I have anyone else to say goodbyes to, but see you later if I do. I won’t recognize you and I won’t miss you but you might miss me. So I’ll say see you later instead of goodbye because maybe that’ll make it better. I don’t know.

I think I’ve gone insane.

I’ve got to go now. I’m sorry, Ellis. I’ll be back. I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clarifications for those who dont know what the fuck is going on:  
> \- this man's name is elijah walkers and he is very much in love with ellis mayhew  
> \- yes this is vaguely set in the scp universe  
> \- no he doesn't keep his promise  
> \- no it wasn't 3999 telling him to jump in the void  
> \- no he's not dead lol  
> a pretty big motif in all these stories is the void masking itself w/in something else (a cave system, the basement) so i was like "well what if its just hiding in plain sight here lol" and then i did that  
> this is really disjointed idk how much i like it

**Author's Note:**

> Idk man


End file.
